The things we choose OVER the LORD can lead us into a captivity of suffering. The decisions we make without consulting HIS will, or decisions we make even though we know His will but choose to ignore it, become the keys to the door of our prison. Willful disobedience closes the door behind us and places the keys forever out of our reach...but not the Lord's.
The same deception that leads us into this sin of willful disobedience against the LORD, continues to deceive us, for a while, in making the walls of our prison appear beautiful and warmed by the golden glow of the love for that person or thing which we have placed above GOD.
But the beauty that our sin-clouded eyes see is in reality (God's truth being that reality) only the foul uncleanness of death and the stench of the resulting decay that death brings....spiritual death that is...for we have chosen death instead of life. Only we don't know it quite yet. But we will.
For the same God who called us out and anointed us for His purposes (as He did David) loves us enough (as He did David) to reveal the deception of our great sin (as He did David) so that we might come to repentance (as David did) and be restored to God (as David was.) Because God willed it to be so.
Without knowing about David, from beginning to end, we frail humans would be without hope when it comes to our own sins. Without the knowledge such as is contained in the book of Romans, we frail humans would live in complete condemnation because of our sins. I look to those two areas of the Bible more than any other when faced with my sin....for in both I see the love, grace and redemption of the LORD for frail man...for us who are called according to His purposes and in whom no condemnation is found because of Jesus Christ...once we are brought to repentance.
Jesus is the one who holds the key to our prison cells whose walls once appeared beautiful, but which eventually, in His light, we see as being anything but beautiful. And also, eventually, He is the only One who can open the door and sets us free to get back on the path that He originally intended for us to walk.
I went away this long weekend to be alone with the LORD, seeking His help, asking Him to deliver me from my suffering. His Word says that when we call out to Him, He will hear us.
He heard me this weekend.
I want to share it with you in hopes that other believers in Christ who willfully entered into a marriage with an unequally yoked unbeliever, will know that though their dreams of their spouse being saved might not ever happen, for there is no guarantee with agents of free will, still God loves the believer and will eventually deliver the one who trusts in Christ from the prison cell of the marriage that they willfully chose to enter into...against God's will for them.
If you are a believer who has never lived with an unbeliever, especially an unbeliever who willfully rejects Christ, then you have no idea of the suffering that the believer endures in such a situation. And the suffering is worse because you allowed yourself to love that one who rejects Christ. It is a very lonely place to be in, especially in churches filled with couples who are both believers.
My husband is such an unbeliever who filed for divorce recently, a no-fault divorce it is called, meaning that no one did anything heinous to bring the divorce about, there are just irreconcilable differences; in this case, the irreconcilable differences were spiritual which led to there being differences in every single thing that matters in life. We married later in life and had no children together, but we both had our own children, from previous marriages that had ended because of sexual immorality on the parts of our respective spouses. I felt free to marry again, biblically, but I knew it was not right to marry an unbeliever. Yet "love" prevailed.
I signed and returned those divorce papers this past week. The Bible tells us when an unbeliever wants to walk away from a marriage, they are free to do so. But my heart, that against God's will I had attached to this man for 23 years, was left broken. I needed a word from the Lord to help me out of this prison I had willfully entered.
And He gave me just that.
I was reading past journal entries of mine, not sure why exactly, when I came across an entry from 2006 in which I described a double dream that I had. I wrote about double dreams on my blog back in October 2011 when studying the story in Genesis 41 about Joseph interpreting the double dreams of the Pharaoh. Genesis 41 says this about double dreams:
"And for the dream was doubled unto Pharaoh twice; it is because the thing is established by God, and God will shortly bring it to pass."
Joseph goes on to say that "God shall give Pharaoh an answer of peace."
My double dreams were very vivid, my journal says, and even though I wasn't sure of their meaning back then, the LORD showed me very clearly the meaning this weekend.
I won't give the full entry here, but will describe the dreams, two nights or so apart from each other.
In the first dream, my husband and I were about to board a plane. But suddenly I knew that the plane was going to crash and that while I was saved and would be with the LORD, my husband didn't know the LORD and could not get on the plane. The plane did indeed crash, but all the way down, I was at peace because I knew the LORD and He knew me. I woke up just before it actually crashed. And as I awoke, still not quite awake, I saw two numbers: 4 and 14. I thought to myself that perhaps those numbers were the flight number or date or something. But I didn't know for sure at all.
Two nights later, I dreamed the dream again only this time it wasn't my husband who was boarding the plane with me, it was my daughter, Gianna, who does know the LORD. I asked Gianna if she knew the number of this flight, and she said 14. As the plane began to go down, we both remained calm and at peace because we both knew the LORD and He knew both of us. Again I woke up before the crash, but I knew that Gianna was confirmation for me both of the number and of the first dream in some sense.
Still I didn't know what the dream was about. I mentioned it, at that time, to a cousin of mine, Frank, a very wonderful believer in Christ and he told me that the numbers 4 and 14 were significant biblically, but I never wrote the significance down, only saying in my journal that he would mail me the information, which he never did for some reason; possibly because it was not God's timing for me to have the interpretation of these dreams.
Then a few days later, again according to my journal, I told my two daughters about the dream and one of my daughter's, Gianna, said to me "Well, it's kind of weird but my mailbox is #4 and #14. It is Unit #4 and the box # 14 in that unit. Isn't that weird?" It was indeed strange for, just as in the dream, here was Gianna "confirming" the numbers for me, just as she had in the dream on at least one number, but this time both numbers, but in a strange sort of way to the two of us, for there still was no clear meaning to the dream or to the numbers.
The year 2006, it seems, was not the year in which this dream was meant to have its interpretation, but all that which happened back then became significant on this particular weekend here in 2013, seven years later. (And there is great biblical significance to the number seven!)
After finding this journal entry, I decided to look up the biblical significance of the numbers 4 and 14. And then I understood what the dream was about, for the Lord gave me the complete interpretation of it.
The number 4 signifies "division." Such as spiritually divided people; or such as two people physically and legally divided by divorce.
The number 14 signifies "deliverance." Such as being delivered from the suffering of an unequally-yoked marriage; or such as being delivered from the consequences of one's sin.
The plane was our marriage union, and the plane was going to crash. I was going to be at peace even though it crashed, but my husband couldn't have come along in that peace because he isn't a believer in Christ.
But what about Gianna confirming the numbers?
It turns out that when my husband and I separated back in December, I had no home to go to. So I lived with my daughter Gianna for several months while I secured for myself a new little home. Her address became my address, which at the time of the dream contained the numbers of her mailbox, indicating that I would be living with her, I believe. Back in 2006, at the time of this dream, the LORD knew where I would go, even though I have two daughters living within a couple of miles of each other and could just as easily lived with the other daughter instead. But He knew because He was bringing this about; He was establishing the thing.
Back in 2006, the LORD prophesied that my marriage would end, that I would be in peace about it, that my daughter Gianna would confirm the numbers for me, and that those numbers signified a double meaning, just as the double dreams had significance that it was OF THE LORD. Seven years later (7 - the biblical number of completeness!) the Lord hardened my husband's heart against me, as He did Pharaoh's heart against the Israelites, until both the Pharaoh, and my husband, wanted those that belong to the Lord out of their sight and released them. The Lord gave Pharaoh time to repent, and He gave my husband 16 years (before the dream in 2006) to repent...but it never happened. So God made something else happen. My release. [Even though our union was against God's will, I do believe the LORD when He says that He is able to make all things work together for our good...even our rebellious ways. I do believe this marriage did not have to end in divorce, and that God gave my husband 16 years to repent, but because he would never come to repentance, then God caused my deliverance from this marriage to come about instead, knowing that I could not do so myself.]
Finding the record of this dream has brought me peace during a time of great distress. I had been plagued, very burdened and even depressed since December with a non-ending barrage of questions I kept asking myself such as "What did I do to cause my husband to hate me so? What could I have done differently? Why did this happen?"
But when the LORD revealed to me the meaning of this dream seven years ago, the questions stopped, and peace came...finally and completely.
More than six years ago, the LORD prophesied to me in these dreams that divorce was on its way. And by giving me double dreams He told me that it was of His doing, He was establishing the division (in other words, leading my husband to file for the divorce that would bring me out of the arms of my lover, and the consequences of my sin), delivering me completely back into the arms of my GOD, for He is a wonderfully jealous GOD! More than six years ago the LORD shared with me, even though it was not the time for me to see it, that what He had established (the division), He would also bring to pass shortly...at least shortly in His own reference of time and space.
[In fact, even with Joseph and the Pharaoh it took seven years to bring about the famine that the double dreams prophesied would come; seven being the number of completion.]
Then He confirmed all of this with the numbers 4 and 14, with two witnesses, my daughter Gianna and my cousin Frank; and with double dreams.
Knowing this, that the LORD cared about me, even in my captivity, never forsaking me completely, even when I had forsaken Him by going against His will and knowing His willingness to let me in on His plans for me even before I could completely understand them back in 2006, was more encouraging than I can adequately describe.
It was without a doubt the "answer of peace" to all of my questions that I sought from Him this weekend. And I will be forever grateful to Him for it!
Now, in the LORD, I have peace to move forward, leaving the past forever behind.
The same deception that leads us into this sin of willful disobedience against the LORD, continues to deceive us, for a while, in making the walls of our prison appear beautiful and warmed by the golden glow of the love for that person or thing which we have placed above GOD.
But the beauty that our sin-clouded eyes see is in reality (God's truth being that reality) only the foul uncleanness of death and the stench of the resulting decay that death brings....spiritual death that is...for we have chosen death instead of life. Only we don't know it quite yet. But we will.
For the same God who called us out and anointed us for His purposes (as He did David) loves us enough (as He did David) to reveal the deception of our great sin (as He did David) so that we might come to repentance (as David did) and be restored to God (as David was.) Because God willed it to be so.
Without knowing about David, from beginning to end, we frail humans would be without hope when it comes to our own sins. Without the knowledge such as is contained in the book of Romans, we frail humans would live in complete condemnation because of our sins. I look to those two areas of the Bible more than any other when faced with my sin....for in both I see the love, grace and redemption of the LORD for frail man...for us who are called according to His purposes and in whom no condemnation is found because of Jesus Christ...once we are brought to repentance.
Jesus is the one who holds the key to our prison cells whose walls once appeared beautiful, but which eventually, in His light, we see as being anything but beautiful. And also, eventually, He is the only One who can open the door and sets us free to get back on the path that He originally intended for us to walk.
I went away this long weekend to be alone with the LORD, seeking His help, asking Him to deliver me from my suffering. His Word says that when we call out to Him, He will hear us.
He heard me this weekend.
I want to share it with you in hopes that other believers in Christ who willfully entered into a marriage with an unequally yoked unbeliever, will know that though their dreams of their spouse being saved might not ever happen, for there is no guarantee with agents of free will, still God loves the believer and will eventually deliver the one who trusts in Christ from the prison cell of the marriage that they willfully chose to enter into...against God's will for them.
If you are a believer who has never lived with an unbeliever, especially an unbeliever who willfully rejects Christ, then you have no idea of the suffering that the believer endures in such a situation. And the suffering is worse because you allowed yourself to love that one who rejects Christ. It is a very lonely place to be in, especially in churches filled with couples who are both believers.
My husband is such an unbeliever who filed for divorce recently, a no-fault divorce it is called, meaning that no one did anything heinous to bring the divorce about, there are just irreconcilable differences; in this case, the irreconcilable differences were spiritual which led to there being differences in every single thing that matters in life. We married later in life and had no children together, but we both had our own children, from previous marriages that had ended because of sexual immorality on the parts of our respective spouses. I felt free to marry again, biblically, but I knew it was not right to marry an unbeliever. Yet "love" prevailed.
I signed and returned those divorce papers this past week. The Bible tells us when an unbeliever wants to walk away from a marriage, they are free to do so. But my heart, that against God's will I had attached to this man for 23 years, was left broken. I needed a word from the Lord to help me out of this prison I had willfully entered.
And He gave me just that.
I was reading past journal entries of mine, not sure why exactly, when I came across an entry from 2006 in which I described a double dream that I had. I wrote about double dreams on my blog back in October 2011 when studying the story in Genesis 41 about Joseph interpreting the double dreams of the Pharaoh. Genesis 41 says this about double dreams:
"And for the dream was doubled unto Pharaoh twice; it is because the thing is established by God, and God will shortly bring it to pass."
Joseph goes on to say that "God shall give Pharaoh an answer of peace."
My double dreams were very vivid, my journal says, and even though I wasn't sure of their meaning back then, the LORD showed me very clearly the meaning this weekend.
I won't give the full entry here, but will describe the dreams, two nights or so apart from each other.
In the first dream, my husband and I were about to board a plane. But suddenly I knew that the plane was going to crash and that while I was saved and would be with the LORD, my husband didn't know the LORD and could not get on the plane. The plane did indeed crash, but all the way down, I was at peace because I knew the LORD and He knew me. I woke up just before it actually crashed. And as I awoke, still not quite awake, I saw two numbers: 4 and 14. I thought to myself that perhaps those numbers were the flight number or date or something. But I didn't know for sure at all.
Two nights later, I dreamed the dream again only this time it wasn't my husband who was boarding the plane with me, it was my daughter, Gianna, who does know the LORD. I asked Gianna if she knew the number of this flight, and she said 14. As the plane began to go down, we both remained calm and at peace because we both knew the LORD and He knew both of us. Again I woke up before the crash, but I knew that Gianna was confirmation for me both of the number and of the first dream in some sense.
Still I didn't know what the dream was about. I mentioned it, at that time, to a cousin of mine, Frank, a very wonderful believer in Christ and he told me that the numbers 4 and 14 were significant biblically, but I never wrote the significance down, only saying in my journal that he would mail me the information, which he never did for some reason; possibly because it was not God's timing for me to have the interpretation of these dreams.
Then a few days later, again according to my journal, I told my two daughters about the dream and one of my daughter's, Gianna, said to me "Well, it's kind of weird but my mailbox is #4 and #14. It is Unit #4 and the box # 14 in that unit. Isn't that weird?" It was indeed strange for, just as in the dream, here was Gianna "confirming" the numbers for me, just as she had in the dream on at least one number, but this time both numbers, but in a strange sort of way to the two of us, for there still was no clear meaning to the dream or to the numbers.
The year 2006, it seems, was not the year in which this dream was meant to have its interpretation, but all that which happened back then became significant on this particular weekend here in 2013, seven years later. (And there is great biblical significance to the number seven!)
After finding this journal entry, I decided to look up the biblical significance of the numbers 4 and 14. And then I understood what the dream was about, for the Lord gave me the complete interpretation of it.
The number 4 signifies "division." Such as spiritually divided people; or such as two people physically and legally divided by divorce.
The number 14 signifies "deliverance." Such as being delivered from the suffering of an unequally-yoked marriage; or such as being delivered from the consequences of one's sin.
The plane was our marriage union, and the plane was going to crash. I was going to be at peace even though it crashed, but my husband couldn't have come along in that peace because he isn't a believer in Christ.
But what about Gianna confirming the numbers?
It turns out that when my husband and I separated back in December, I had no home to go to. So I lived with my daughter Gianna for several months while I secured for myself a new little home. Her address became my address, which at the time of the dream contained the numbers of her mailbox, indicating that I would be living with her, I believe. Back in 2006, at the time of this dream, the LORD knew where I would go, even though I have two daughters living within a couple of miles of each other and could just as easily lived with the other daughter instead. But He knew because He was bringing this about; He was establishing the thing.
Back in 2006, the LORD prophesied that my marriage would end, that I would be in peace about it, that my daughter Gianna would confirm the numbers for me, and that those numbers signified a double meaning, just as the double dreams had significance that it was OF THE LORD. Seven years later (7 - the biblical number of completeness!) the Lord hardened my husband's heart against me, as He did Pharaoh's heart against the Israelites, until both the Pharaoh, and my husband, wanted those that belong to the Lord out of their sight and released them. The Lord gave Pharaoh time to repent, and He gave my husband 16 years (before the dream in 2006) to repent...but it never happened. So God made something else happen. My release. [Even though our union was against God's will, I do believe the LORD when He says that He is able to make all things work together for our good...even our rebellious ways. I do believe this marriage did not have to end in divorce, and that God gave my husband 16 years to repent, but because he would never come to repentance, then God caused my deliverance from this marriage to come about instead, knowing that I could not do so myself.]
Finding the record of this dream has brought me peace during a time of great distress. I had been plagued, very burdened and even depressed since December with a non-ending barrage of questions I kept asking myself such as "What did I do to cause my husband to hate me so? What could I have done differently? Why did this happen?"
But when the LORD revealed to me the meaning of this dream seven years ago, the questions stopped, and peace came...finally and completely.
More than six years ago, the LORD prophesied to me in these dreams that divorce was on its way. And by giving me double dreams He told me that it was of His doing, He was establishing the division (in other words, leading my husband to file for the divorce that would bring me out of the arms of my lover, and the consequences of my sin), delivering me completely back into the arms of my GOD, for He is a wonderfully jealous GOD! More than six years ago the LORD shared with me, even though it was not the time for me to see it, that what He had established (the division), He would also bring to pass shortly...at least shortly in His own reference of time and space.
[In fact, even with Joseph and the Pharaoh it took seven years to bring about the famine that the double dreams prophesied would come; seven being the number of completion.]
Then He confirmed all of this with the numbers 4 and 14, with two witnesses, my daughter Gianna and my cousin Frank; and with double dreams.
Knowing this, that the LORD cared about me, even in my captivity, never forsaking me completely, even when I had forsaken Him by going against His will and knowing His willingness to let me in on His plans for me even before I could completely understand them back in 2006, was more encouraging than I can adequately describe.
It was without a doubt the "answer of peace" to all of my questions that I sought from Him this weekend. And I will be forever grateful to Him for it!
Now, in the LORD, I have peace to move forward, leaving the past forever behind.
1 comment:
Wow - amazed at the Lord's work and His ways. So happy that the Lord gave you peace and reminded you of that dream and explained/confirmed it. Am so excited to see how the Lord is going to use you now that you are free, unfettered and (as always) redeemed. Praise the Lord! GMH
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