One of the most difficult things for us to do as Christians is to speak the truth, and speak it in love, without compromising the truth in any sense. I am very passionate about scripture, and while I don't always speak as gently as I could, it doesn't mean that I don't feel for those who are struggling or have struggled with the issue we are discussing: separation, divorce and remarriage.
I myself have struggled with those things; and when I ask how it is that we are so full of self-pity, I speak to myself first...for I know what Christ suffered for me. And who am I to whine about my circumstances, rather than trust in God completely and move forward; rather than let the enemy hold me back by my self-pity? While I have given the enemy some ground with my self-pity, I have managed also to take a lot of that ground back for the Lord by recognizing it and repenting of it. That is what I am attempting to encourage many in our churches to also do. Recognize what self-pity and jealousy does in terms of holding back the work of the Lord through you, and push through to higher ground! God has high standards for us that He will not compromise because of our feelings. We must get past feelings and live up to God's higher standards, regardless of how it "feels." For we know His high standards have been set high out of his boundless love for us!
The next two or three days' subject is perhaps even more delicate than all that we have discussed before, because there are many wounded who have suffered through some of the things we are going to talk about. I pray right now for the Lord to give me wisdom in how to speak truth, without compromise, but also in love.
So, what is the scriptural definition of "marriage covenant death?" In other words, back to the prior posting for a moment, could a man be husband of only one wife even if he has had two altogether?
The easiest answer comes when the first wife dies; the husband is released from that marriage covenant by death, and, of course, he is free to remarry and would be considered the "husband of one wife" in the context of the scripture passage in 1 Timothy 3.
The answer is more difficult to arrive at when various other factors enter in: divorce, remarriage, saved or not saved, length of time saved (maturity in the Lord), unresolved strongholds of sin, adultery, physical abuse, irresponsibility, and so much more. And that is what we will begin to tackle today.
"God hates divorce." Sadly, this is how most churches "counsel" the wounded who are struggling through difficult marriages. I, myself, received such counsel 27 years ago from my church at that time, in response to my wanting to take my children and run from my husband who I had discovered was a pedophile (of his own children and others as well.) What I took away from that meeting is that I was the problem, not my husband (whom I later divorced when even much Christian counseling could not cause him to cease his proclivities. It took a court of law to stop him.) This is what churches who are lazy will do: they will hurt the one who "voices" that they are struggling, judging their honest cries for help as weak and sinful, without digging deeper into the complaints to see if they are valid.
"It just might be that we do not know the entire series of events that led to the destruction of the marriage. How an individual relates to or interacts with friends or coworkers isn't always an indicator of how that person treats his or her spouse. In fact, in many of the divorce situations I have counseled involving a spouse who is physically or emotionally abusive, the individual is charming and well-liked publicly. Public behavior is not always the best indicator of private behavior." (Tony Evans, Divorce and Remarriage.)
Such was my spouse at the time. And I, wounded by the church's lack of diligence to protect its own, stayed away from all churches for ten long isolated years. Yes, the church was in error, both in truth (as I will explain further along) and in love. Truth in that church became legalistic death for me.
And yes, I was also wrong. Not in divorcing my husband, but in allowing my hurt to give the enemy ground in my life; keeping me from being a part of a church family (albeit a different one perhaps) that would have encouraged me to stay on the straight and narrow path, rather than the worldly path that I took as a result.
None of that takes away from the fact that God hates divorce, that is uncompromised truth. But it is incomplete and dangerous counsel if the "whole" Word of God is not also considered. The serpent in the Garden was master of incomplete truths (aka lies.)
For example, what else does God hate? Does God hate pedophiles? Does He hate adultery? Does He hate a violent man? Does He hate a sluggard who will not work or provide for his family? Does He hate a woman who gossips all over town while ignoring her duties to her husband and children? Does He hate pornography? Drugs? Emotional or spiritual abuse?
Tomorrow, we will begin to delve into these sins and how they affect the marriage covenant. Our first topic will be adultery.
I myself have struggled with those things; and when I ask how it is that we are so full of self-pity, I speak to myself first...for I know what Christ suffered for me. And who am I to whine about my circumstances, rather than trust in God completely and move forward; rather than let the enemy hold me back by my self-pity? While I have given the enemy some ground with my self-pity, I have managed also to take a lot of that ground back for the Lord by recognizing it and repenting of it. That is what I am attempting to encourage many in our churches to also do. Recognize what self-pity and jealousy does in terms of holding back the work of the Lord through you, and push through to higher ground! God has high standards for us that He will not compromise because of our feelings. We must get past feelings and live up to God's higher standards, regardless of how it "feels." For we know His high standards have been set high out of his boundless love for us!
The next two or three days' subject is perhaps even more delicate than all that we have discussed before, because there are many wounded who have suffered through some of the things we are going to talk about. I pray right now for the Lord to give me wisdom in how to speak truth, without compromise, but also in love.
So, what is the scriptural definition of "marriage covenant death?" In other words, back to the prior posting for a moment, could a man be husband of only one wife even if he has had two altogether?
The easiest answer comes when the first wife dies; the husband is released from that marriage covenant by death, and, of course, he is free to remarry and would be considered the "husband of one wife" in the context of the scripture passage in 1 Timothy 3.
The answer is more difficult to arrive at when various other factors enter in: divorce, remarriage, saved or not saved, length of time saved (maturity in the Lord), unresolved strongholds of sin, adultery, physical abuse, irresponsibility, and so much more. And that is what we will begin to tackle today.
"God hates divorce." Sadly, this is how most churches "counsel" the wounded who are struggling through difficult marriages. I, myself, received such counsel 27 years ago from my church at that time, in response to my wanting to take my children and run from my husband who I had discovered was a pedophile (of his own children and others as well.) What I took away from that meeting is that I was the problem, not my husband (whom I later divorced when even much Christian counseling could not cause him to cease his proclivities. It took a court of law to stop him.) This is what churches who are lazy will do: they will hurt the one who "voices" that they are struggling, judging their honest cries for help as weak and sinful, without digging deeper into the complaints to see if they are valid.
"It just might be that we do not know the entire series of events that led to the destruction of the marriage. How an individual relates to or interacts with friends or coworkers isn't always an indicator of how that person treats his or her spouse. In fact, in many of the divorce situations I have counseled involving a spouse who is physically or emotionally abusive, the individual is charming and well-liked publicly. Public behavior is not always the best indicator of private behavior." (Tony Evans, Divorce and Remarriage.)
Such was my spouse at the time. And I, wounded by the church's lack of diligence to protect its own, stayed away from all churches for ten long isolated years. Yes, the church was in error, both in truth (as I will explain further along) and in love. Truth in that church became legalistic death for me.
And yes, I was also wrong. Not in divorcing my husband, but in allowing my hurt to give the enemy ground in my life; keeping me from being a part of a church family (albeit a different one perhaps) that would have encouraged me to stay on the straight and narrow path, rather than the worldly path that I took as a result.
None of that takes away from the fact that God hates divorce, that is uncompromised truth. But it is incomplete and dangerous counsel if the "whole" Word of God is not also considered. The serpent in the Garden was master of incomplete truths (aka lies.)
For example, what else does God hate? Does God hate pedophiles? Does He hate adultery? Does He hate a violent man? Does He hate a sluggard who will not work or provide for his family? Does He hate a woman who gossips all over town while ignoring her duties to her husband and children? Does He hate pornography? Drugs? Emotional or spiritual abuse?
Tomorrow, we will begin to delve into these sins and how they affect the marriage covenant. Our first topic will be adultery.
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