Many marriages dissolve when one of the parties leaves in order to find happiness which they believe cannot be found within the confines of their marriage. Happiness is often considered synonymous with joy, but, because of the Word of God, I now believe that happiness and joy are not really the same, and that joy is instead synonymous with "gladness." In fact, most instances of the use of the word joy, in my King James version, are accompanied by the word gladness as if to confirm the description or meaning of joy.
Most of us do not understand that what we are truly seeking is not happiness, but joy. Here is a simple quote from C. S. Lewis that might help:
"Joy is never in our power....pleasure often is..." [From the book "Joy"]
What is in our power to find is only pleasure or a temporary happiness that comes from pursuing pleasures; but it is not joy. And while some of us might have learned by now that we won't find the joy we want simply by pursuing pleasures or by becoming "free" from the "entanglement" of marriage, still there are many who don't realize that what C. S. Lewis says is true: it is not in our power to find joy...and joy IS what we want, whether we realize it or not!
True joy is a gift of the Holy Spirit and is given to us; we can't go get it. You notice I said "true" joy; the world is filled with imitations of joy - seducing lures that don't deliver what they advertise. We will settle for the imitations over and over again, until we come to understand that they can never satisfy. We settle because we are seeking joy which we can never provide to ourselves, rather than seeking the giver of joy: the Lord.
On the hour and a half long drive to visit a jail inmate yesterday, I asked the Lord to show me how He was able to live as He did here on earth without fear and without feeling sorry for Himself for all that He had given up (as I often find myself feeling both in my current situation). I didn't get the answer right away, but I knew He would tell me for as far back as I can remember He has always answered my questions, fairly quickly actually. I knew I just had to wait for it and it would come.
I went into the prison, met with the woman (with a glass partition between us) and we began to pray as we do twice a week now before we get into our bible study. Only this time, before we began, she told me how thankful she was that we (myself and a friend of mine who is also part of this ministry every Sunday) were coming twice a week to pray with her and study God's Word with her (she is a very new Christian, a mother of four small children under the age of ten, who gave her life to the Lord only since entering the jail three and a half months ago, even though it sounded as though He had been pursuing her for quite some time).
Of course, I was very happy to hear that we were blessing her. But as I left the jail 45 minutes later, I realized that it wasn't happiness I was feeling; it was something much deeper than just happiness...it was "joy." It was then that I realized I had my answer...He had spoken to me through the woman in jail.
Jesus was able to lose all that He formerly had, live in relative poverty without even having a place to lay His head each night, and do so without fear or self-pity....because He had the supernatural "joy" of the Holy Spirit that comes of doing all that He did in obedience to God for the sake of those true children of God who would have very grateful hearts. And His Word confirms the answer He spoke to my heart:
"Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:2)
What greater joy can there be than to please God? It is a joy of unimaginable and eternal proportions, such that we humans find difficult to comprehend and which can never be found in earthly pleasures! And yet, the Father, in His grace, allows us to sample and to taste and to then declare, as with everything else that comes from Him: "it is good."
The problem with many marriages (although not all) is not the other person. The problem is that we are not doing what the Lord would have us do, and thus we have no "joy." And being released from our present circumstances (whether married or unmarried) will not bring us joy for we cannot find that for ourselves on our own.
It is a gift of God that we are given as we seek His kingdom first.
Thus, the answer is not to divorce if you are unhappily married. Just like the answer is not to marry if you are unhappily single. The answer is to go out and do what the Lord would have you do, not for yourself, not just for your finances (even though this is necessary), not just for your career, but for Him. What are you doing for Him that is pleasing Him (because you are blessing His children) and thus bringing you joy?
Once you are doing that, seeking His Kingdom above all else, then all the other things that you are looking for, especially in your marriage, will be added to you...and that includes joy.
Don't leave your marriage; don't jump into marriage. Just be obedient to the Lord and wait for it.
Joy will come.
Most of us do not understand that what we are truly seeking is not happiness, but joy. Here is a simple quote from C. S. Lewis that might help:
"Joy is never in our power....pleasure often is..." [From the book "Joy"]
What is in our power to find is only pleasure or a temporary happiness that comes from pursuing pleasures; but it is not joy. And while some of us might have learned by now that we won't find the joy we want simply by pursuing pleasures or by becoming "free" from the "entanglement" of marriage, still there are many who don't realize that what C. S. Lewis says is true: it is not in our power to find joy...and joy IS what we want, whether we realize it or not!
True joy is a gift of the Holy Spirit and is given to us; we can't go get it. You notice I said "true" joy; the world is filled with imitations of joy - seducing lures that don't deliver what they advertise. We will settle for the imitations over and over again, until we come to understand that they can never satisfy. We settle because we are seeking joy which we can never provide to ourselves, rather than seeking the giver of joy: the Lord.
On the hour and a half long drive to visit a jail inmate yesterday, I asked the Lord to show me how He was able to live as He did here on earth without fear and without feeling sorry for Himself for all that He had given up (as I often find myself feeling both in my current situation). I didn't get the answer right away, but I knew He would tell me for as far back as I can remember He has always answered my questions, fairly quickly actually. I knew I just had to wait for it and it would come.
I went into the prison, met with the woman (with a glass partition between us) and we began to pray as we do twice a week now before we get into our bible study. Only this time, before we began, she told me how thankful she was that we (myself and a friend of mine who is also part of this ministry every Sunday) were coming twice a week to pray with her and study God's Word with her (she is a very new Christian, a mother of four small children under the age of ten, who gave her life to the Lord only since entering the jail three and a half months ago, even though it sounded as though He had been pursuing her for quite some time).
Of course, I was very happy to hear that we were blessing her. But as I left the jail 45 minutes later, I realized that it wasn't happiness I was feeling; it was something much deeper than just happiness...it was "joy." It was then that I realized I had my answer...He had spoken to me through the woman in jail.
Jesus was able to lose all that He formerly had, live in relative poverty without even having a place to lay His head each night, and do so without fear or self-pity....because He had the supernatural "joy" of the Holy Spirit that comes of doing all that He did in obedience to God for the sake of those true children of God who would have very grateful hearts. And His Word confirms the answer He spoke to my heart:
"Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:2)
What greater joy can there be than to please God? It is a joy of unimaginable and eternal proportions, such that we humans find difficult to comprehend and which can never be found in earthly pleasures! And yet, the Father, in His grace, allows us to sample and to taste and to then declare, as with everything else that comes from Him: "it is good."
The problem with many marriages (although not all) is not the other person. The problem is that we are not doing what the Lord would have us do, and thus we have no "joy." And being released from our present circumstances (whether married or unmarried) will not bring us joy for we cannot find that for ourselves on our own.
It is a gift of God that we are given as we seek His kingdom first.
Thus, the answer is not to divorce if you are unhappily married. Just like the answer is not to marry if you are unhappily single. The answer is to go out and do what the Lord would have you do, not for yourself, not just for your finances (even though this is necessary), not just for your career, but for Him. What are you doing for Him that is pleasing Him (because you are blessing His children) and thus bringing you joy?
Once you are doing that, seeking His Kingdom above all else, then all the other things that you are looking for, especially in your marriage, will be added to you...and that includes joy.
Don't leave your marriage; don't jump into marriage. Just be obedient to the Lord and wait for it.
Joy will come.
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