Reviewing yesterday's post:
!) We are to submit to one another out of reverence to the Lord.
2) The husband is to the wife as Christ is to the church; thus, the husband is to give all that he is (and give up as much as Christ did?) for his wife, as Christ did to give his bride, the church, everlasting and abundant life. When a husband loves with his first priority being his wife, how can she do anything but respond?
3) Women are designed (even anatomically) to receive. And they respond in like kind with what they receive. The parable of sowing and reaping can be applied. If husbands sow self-centeredness, where the focus is on what they want above and beyond what their wife wants, then they can reap a wife who also becomes self-focused, finding means to provide for herself what the husband is not providing. If the husband, on the other hand, gives and gives, patiently, as unto the Lord, in time the wife will begin to give in return. It is the divine principle of sowing and reaping. The biggest problem in the marriage will then be finding opportunity to outgive each other!
In fact, there is a true story in Kingdom Man (by Tony Evans) that demonstrates such a husband, whose very hard-hearted wife was turned around because of his persistent giving to her, even when it hurt. But I won't share the details here, as Kingdom Man is a book everyone should read for themselves, men and women alike. It deals with marriage and family life and church life in a way that I have not heard taught before. And the author's own family is proof of how applying scriptural truths to marriages cause them to flourish, beginning with the relationship of his own parents, then in his own marital relationship, and now even the marital relationships of his children. It is a book I most highly recommend.
There is another biblical example that the Lord has been pressing upon my own heart this morning. And that is the story of Hosea. Here is a man who submitted far beyond what most husbands have ever experienced. And Hosea is a typology of how far the Lord goes for each of us. Until we have been betrayed to the horrendous extent that Hosea was (by Gomer's promiscuity), and yet are able to still love (as the Lord does us, His bride, who betray Him in many ways almost daily), finally winning her to him with his persistent and never-failing love, then we have not given our all to the marriage.
Again God places the responsibility for the relational problems primarily with the man:
"I will not punish your daughters when they turn to prostitution, nor your daughters-in-law when they commit adultery, because the men themselves consort with harlots and sacrifice with shrine prostitutes - a people without understanding will come to ruin!" (Hosea 4:14)
The responsibility to care for his wife and family (in love and selflessness, rather than forceful heavy-handedness) falls clearly on the man. All of which sounds rather one-sided. But the truth, if we can grasp it, is that in even the most difficult of cases, the man who is completely submitted to Christ, will see changes happening in those around him. If you are a husband who is not seeing the changes you seek in your marriage, look to yourself first and foremost....find the areas of your life that you have not submitted to Christ. Most likely those areas are the same areas in which there is conflict in your marriage. Thus your clues can be found in the arguments that occur over and over again with your spouse.
Put another way, according to the passage above in Hosea, God will first deal with the husband, before He begins to deal with the wife. He did so even in the Garden. He has not changed.
Yet the wife has her responsibilities as well. Before we go on to the wife's part in submission, here is a scripture that is critical for us all and one we should memorize:
"For we who live are always delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh." (2 Corinthians 4:11)
What wife would not be calm and serene in the presence of Jesus, versus overly-emotional or angry?
What husband would not be likewise in the presence of Jesus? The goal then, for both husband and wife is to manifest Jesus Christ in their own flesh first, before attacking the spouse for the same thing that they themselves are lacking in.
The problem, on both sides, is that we are not willing to wait for that manifestation to appear in us first, then in our spouses. We hurl angry barbs at one another, while Jesus would not even defend Himself must less act as we do towards one another. We put our own needs and rights first, rather than consider others before ourselves, giving up all rights and privileges as Jesus did, who left the splendor of heaven to come to earth with not even a place to lay His head. We don't want to work hard at anything, but Jesus gave all that He had in terms of effort and energy in order to submit in complete obedience (without complaint) to the Father.
The other problem, perhaps, is that our hearts deceive us. We each go around thinking we are completely submitted in all areas to Christ, but others, especially those closest to us, know otherwise. The outside world can't see it, but those who live with us can. In fact, we often treat those outside of our loved ones with more deference and submission and love than we do our own intimate loved ones. If pride prevents us from "hearing" or "seeing" the things that need to change in us in order for our spouses to be calm and serene; then what is the spouse to do?
The answer is to take it to the church. But that will be dealt with after we take a look at what Christ expects from the wives...in the next posting.
!) We are to submit to one another out of reverence to the Lord.
2) The husband is to the wife as Christ is to the church; thus, the husband is to give all that he is (and give up as much as Christ did?) for his wife, as Christ did to give his bride, the church, everlasting and abundant life. When a husband loves with his first priority being his wife, how can she do anything but respond?
3) Women are designed (even anatomically) to receive. And they respond in like kind with what they receive. The parable of sowing and reaping can be applied. If husbands sow self-centeredness, where the focus is on what they want above and beyond what their wife wants, then they can reap a wife who also becomes self-focused, finding means to provide for herself what the husband is not providing. If the husband, on the other hand, gives and gives, patiently, as unto the Lord, in time the wife will begin to give in return. It is the divine principle of sowing and reaping. The biggest problem in the marriage will then be finding opportunity to outgive each other!
In fact, there is a true story in Kingdom Man (by Tony Evans) that demonstrates such a husband, whose very hard-hearted wife was turned around because of his persistent giving to her, even when it hurt. But I won't share the details here, as Kingdom Man is a book everyone should read for themselves, men and women alike. It deals with marriage and family life and church life in a way that I have not heard taught before. And the author's own family is proof of how applying scriptural truths to marriages cause them to flourish, beginning with the relationship of his own parents, then in his own marital relationship, and now even the marital relationships of his children. It is a book I most highly recommend.
There is another biblical example that the Lord has been pressing upon my own heart this morning. And that is the story of Hosea. Here is a man who submitted far beyond what most husbands have ever experienced. And Hosea is a typology of how far the Lord goes for each of us. Until we have been betrayed to the horrendous extent that Hosea was (by Gomer's promiscuity), and yet are able to still love (as the Lord does us, His bride, who betray Him in many ways almost daily), finally winning her to him with his persistent and never-failing love, then we have not given our all to the marriage.
Again God places the responsibility for the relational problems primarily with the man:
"I will not punish your daughters when they turn to prostitution, nor your daughters-in-law when they commit adultery, because the men themselves consort with harlots and sacrifice with shrine prostitutes - a people without understanding will come to ruin!" (Hosea 4:14)
The responsibility to care for his wife and family (in love and selflessness, rather than forceful heavy-handedness) falls clearly on the man. All of which sounds rather one-sided. But the truth, if we can grasp it, is that in even the most difficult of cases, the man who is completely submitted to Christ, will see changes happening in those around him. If you are a husband who is not seeing the changes you seek in your marriage, look to yourself first and foremost....find the areas of your life that you have not submitted to Christ. Most likely those areas are the same areas in which there is conflict in your marriage. Thus your clues can be found in the arguments that occur over and over again with your spouse.
Put another way, according to the passage above in Hosea, God will first deal with the husband, before He begins to deal with the wife. He did so even in the Garden. He has not changed.
Yet the wife has her responsibilities as well. Before we go on to the wife's part in submission, here is a scripture that is critical for us all and one we should memorize:
"For we who live are always delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh." (2 Corinthians 4:11)
What wife would not be calm and serene in the presence of Jesus, versus overly-emotional or angry?
What husband would not be likewise in the presence of Jesus? The goal then, for both husband and wife is to manifest Jesus Christ in their own flesh first, before attacking the spouse for the same thing that they themselves are lacking in.
The problem, on both sides, is that we are not willing to wait for that manifestation to appear in us first, then in our spouses. We hurl angry barbs at one another, while Jesus would not even defend Himself must less act as we do towards one another. We put our own needs and rights first, rather than consider others before ourselves, giving up all rights and privileges as Jesus did, who left the splendor of heaven to come to earth with not even a place to lay His head. We don't want to work hard at anything, but Jesus gave all that He had in terms of effort and energy in order to submit in complete obedience (without complaint) to the Father.
The other problem, perhaps, is that our hearts deceive us. We each go around thinking we are completely submitted in all areas to Christ, but others, especially those closest to us, know otherwise. The outside world can't see it, but those who live with us can. In fact, we often treat those outside of our loved ones with more deference and submission and love than we do our own intimate loved ones. If pride prevents us from "hearing" or "seeing" the things that need to change in us in order for our spouses to be calm and serene; then what is the spouse to do?
The answer is to take it to the church. But that will be dealt with after we take a look at what Christ expects from the wives...in the next posting.
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