The Bible I currently hold in my hand (NIV version) has a heading in chapter five of Ephesians called "Instructions for Christian Households" under which we read the following:
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Ephesians 5:21) [So now you know: the "S" word is "submit".]
This seems to be telling each and every member of a Christian household to submit to one another. But we don't usually recall this scripture as easily as we recall the one that follows immediately after in which Paul specifically says "Wives submit to your own husbands..." It might be because that set of instructions to the wife is written prior to the instructions for the husband, that the church today wants to put the responsibility on the wife to submit first. But in reality, using Christ and the church as the example, the first responsibility is to the husband, as we will see as we continue.
Let's just begin by trying to get a grasp on what submission means.
I am from the south, where good manners still prevail (for the most part.) Submission is the biggest part of good manners. You never take the last serving of food; you let others have it. You open the door to let others pass in ahead of you. Folks with a smaller number of items in the line at the grocery store, are allowed to go before you as well. Little things like that are actually acts of submission. The definition of submission is "to come under."
Think about the many times in a day you probably "submit" to another person. Here is another example to help you out:
Perhaps you and a co-worker decide to go to lunch together and you agree to go to his or her choice of restaurant; not because if you don't he or she will become angry, but because it sounds like a good idea to you. Or perhaps, even if you were hoping for Italian food, instead you have "deferred" to your co-worker's desire for Chinese food In either situation, you have just "submitted" yourself to another person's will.
The key thing to note here is that you "chose" to submit. It was a voluntary action on your part. There might be a variety of reasons why you chose to submit (I provided only two possibilities above), but you were a free agent, choosing to submit out of some motivation to do so.
That's what proper "submission" is. Proper, scriptural submission is done out of a position of freedom.
The problematic, rather than scriptural, form of submission seen in many marriages today is where one spouse or the other "controls" the other into a form of submission. If submission is coerced, forced, demanded, or brought about by heavy-handed tactics or constant nagging, then it is not scriptural submission; in other words, if it is not voluntary submission, then it is not submission at all - it is merely captivity or bondage. Anyone who forces or demands submission (even the church itself tends to do this to its members, valuing law over grace towards one another, rather than the law with grace as Jesus taught) has a "power-over" mind-set that is not Christ-like; Christ had a "power-under" mindset: "He who would be greatest must be least." Christ did not force this attitude of submission on anyone, neither should the church force it on its own. It is to be a voluntary thing that we encourage each other towards, but not force or demand from each other. The church is to govern in wisdom and in grace; not by the letter of the law without grace.
In some marriages, spouses who are not properly submitted to Christ can be "controllers" who then apply "controlling measures" to their own spouses. In other cases, spouses become controllers out of frustration and lack of skills or knowledge about how to handle certain situations; but again, if completely submitted to Christ, this should not be the case.
The result, especially if the other spouse becomes oppressed by such measures and gives up his or her freedom in Christ and therefore, his or her voice, is a very unhappy marriage full of strife and arguments and anger and hurt. A Christ-centered marriage will not be so, even though all marriages experience moments of ups and downs, over-all there will be nothing oppressive that kills one's spirit or causes one party or the other to be less than all that Christ purposed them to be.
A heart that willingly, voluntarily submits is what Christ longs to see in each of us, as we first volunteer our lives to Him above all others. When one spouse does this (and the scriptural responsibility according to Tony Evans' book "Kingdom Man" is on the husband first), then the other spouse will normally respond in like kind.
The example of this is Christ and the church: Christ gave His very life for us on the cross; we, the church, then respond to Christ's love for us. The husband is to the wife as Christ is to the church (Ephesians 5:23-33). Thus, the husband bears the responsibility of giving all that he has and all that he is to his wife, as he submits to Christ. Without doubt, then, his wife, as she submits herself to Christ as well, will respond back in like kind to her husband in voluntary submission. Christ submitted to the Father, and the result was that the church submitted to Christ. The husband submits to Christ, and the result is that the wife responds in submission to the husband. There are times when this is not an easy task for a husband to do; but then I know of no man whose efforts have resulted in "sweating blood" such as Christ did in the garden, as He struggled (victoriously) to submit to the Father's will.
Listen to these excerpts from the book "Kingdom Man" regarding the role of the husband:
"When you lead according to His principles and His kingdom agenda, you free others around you to be what they were created to be as well. Yet when you don't, you invite a world of chaos, disorder, and destruction not only into your own life, but also into the lives of those within your influence."
"Like the eagle protecting those under his care, God doesn't sit down on the couch and turn on the television when someone needs Him. Neither does he run off to work as a get-away excuse. Rather, He takes responsibility to comfort those within a crisis or correct the situation."
Hear also this advice to men about women:
"Women were designed to respond. Innate within a woman lies a responsive mechanism enabling her to uniquely fulfill her divine destiny in completing a man and being completed by a man....women have been created to receive and respond. It is built into how God programmed them...But what you need to know about a woman is that just as much as she can receive and respond positively, she can also receive and respond negatively. If the wrong things are said or done to her, she may react in a way that reflects what is being done to her. Because of that, you could end up with nagging or a rebellious heart. Or, if she lacks attention or protection, then she will receive that and respond by doing everything in her power to protect or provide for herself, as well as position herself in a way so she won't run the risk of being let down again. All she is doing is giving you the feedback based on what you are giving to her."
[Part 2 tomorrow.]
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Ephesians 5:21) [So now you know: the "S" word is "submit".]
This seems to be telling each and every member of a Christian household to submit to one another. But we don't usually recall this scripture as easily as we recall the one that follows immediately after in which Paul specifically says "Wives submit to your own husbands..." It might be because that set of instructions to the wife is written prior to the instructions for the husband, that the church today wants to put the responsibility on the wife to submit first. But in reality, using Christ and the church as the example, the first responsibility is to the husband, as we will see as we continue.
Let's just begin by trying to get a grasp on what submission means.
I am from the south, where good manners still prevail (for the most part.) Submission is the biggest part of good manners. You never take the last serving of food; you let others have it. You open the door to let others pass in ahead of you. Folks with a smaller number of items in the line at the grocery store, are allowed to go before you as well. Little things like that are actually acts of submission. The definition of submission is "to come under."
Think about the many times in a day you probably "submit" to another person. Here is another example to help you out:
Perhaps you and a co-worker decide to go to lunch together and you agree to go to his or her choice of restaurant; not because if you don't he or she will become angry, but because it sounds like a good idea to you. Or perhaps, even if you were hoping for Italian food, instead you have "deferred" to your co-worker's desire for Chinese food In either situation, you have just "submitted" yourself to another person's will.
The key thing to note here is that you "chose" to submit. It was a voluntary action on your part. There might be a variety of reasons why you chose to submit (I provided only two possibilities above), but you were a free agent, choosing to submit out of some motivation to do so.
That's what proper "submission" is. Proper, scriptural submission is done out of a position of freedom.
The problematic, rather than scriptural, form of submission seen in many marriages today is where one spouse or the other "controls" the other into a form of submission. If submission is coerced, forced, demanded, or brought about by heavy-handed tactics or constant nagging, then it is not scriptural submission; in other words, if it is not voluntary submission, then it is not submission at all - it is merely captivity or bondage. Anyone who forces or demands submission (even the church itself tends to do this to its members, valuing law over grace towards one another, rather than the law with grace as Jesus taught) has a "power-over" mind-set that is not Christ-like; Christ had a "power-under" mindset: "He who would be greatest must be least." Christ did not force this attitude of submission on anyone, neither should the church force it on its own. It is to be a voluntary thing that we encourage each other towards, but not force or demand from each other. The church is to govern in wisdom and in grace; not by the letter of the law without grace.
In some marriages, spouses who are not properly submitted to Christ can be "controllers" who then apply "controlling measures" to their own spouses. In other cases, spouses become controllers out of frustration and lack of skills or knowledge about how to handle certain situations; but again, if completely submitted to Christ, this should not be the case.
The result, especially if the other spouse becomes oppressed by such measures and gives up his or her freedom in Christ and therefore, his or her voice, is a very unhappy marriage full of strife and arguments and anger and hurt. A Christ-centered marriage will not be so, even though all marriages experience moments of ups and downs, over-all there will be nothing oppressive that kills one's spirit or causes one party or the other to be less than all that Christ purposed them to be.
A heart that willingly, voluntarily submits is what Christ longs to see in each of us, as we first volunteer our lives to Him above all others. When one spouse does this (and the scriptural responsibility according to Tony Evans' book "Kingdom Man" is on the husband first), then the other spouse will normally respond in like kind.
The example of this is Christ and the church: Christ gave His very life for us on the cross; we, the church, then respond to Christ's love for us. The husband is to the wife as Christ is to the church (Ephesians 5:23-33). Thus, the husband bears the responsibility of giving all that he has and all that he is to his wife, as he submits to Christ. Without doubt, then, his wife, as she submits herself to Christ as well, will respond back in like kind to her husband in voluntary submission. Christ submitted to the Father, and the result was that the church submitted to Christ. The husband submits to Christ, and the result is that the wife responds in submission to the husband. There are times when this is not an easy task for a husband to do; but then I know of no man whose efforts have resulted in "sweating blood" such as Christ did in the garden, as He struggled (victoriously) to submit to the Father's will.
Listen to these excerpts from the book "Kingdom Man" regarding the role of the husband:
"When you lead according to His principles and His kingdom agenda, you free others around you to be what they were created to be as well. Yet when you don't, you invite a world of chaos, disorder, and destruction not only into your own life, but also into the lives of those within your influence."
"Like the eagle protecting those under his care, God doesn't sit down on the couch and turn on the television when someone needs Him. Neither does he run off to work as a get-away excuse. Rather, He takes responsibility to comfort those within a crisis or correct the situation."
Hear also this advice to men about women:
"Women were designed to respond. Innate within a woman lies a responsive mechanism enabling her to uniquely fulfill her divine destiny in completing a man and being completed by a man....women have been created to receive and respond. It is built into how God programmed them...But what you need to know about a woman is that just as much as she can receive and respond positively, she can also receive and respond negatively. If the wrong things are said or done to her, she may react in a way that reflects what is being done to her. Because of that, you could end up with nagging or a rebellious heart. Or, if she lacks attention or protection, then she will receive that and respond by doing everything in her power to protect or provide for herself, as well as position herself in a way so she won't run the risk of being let down again. All she is doing is giving you the feedback based on what you are giving to her."
[Part 2 tomorrow.]
1 comment:
While I admit the following is not overly significant theological support for submission, but it works for daily living. I must admit, it feels better to submit in such manners as door opening, food choice, and a myriad of other life options. It is humbling and set the tone for the higher priority, more spiritual tasks. It puts me in a much better position to identify, puny in comparison of course, to Jesus. Can you imagine a husband and wife both living in submission to God first and then to each other. MDW
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