Sadly, the first part of the title of this posting describes how so many Chrisian women live in dogged determination to be obedient to the Lord in light of the scriptural command in Ephesians that they are to submit to their husbands:
"Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior, Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." (Ephesians 5:22-24)
The inward seething, however, is evidence that something is not right. At which point, the wife normally looks to the husband as the problem. Perhaps she is right, in that the husband is not submitting himself to Christ as we have discussed in the past two postings.
However, as with the husband, it behooves the wife also to look to herself first and foremost, looking for the areas in her own life in which she is not fully submitted to the Lord (excluding for one moment submission to her husband). For when she finds the areas of her life that she has not surrendered to the Lord, and when those "walls of resistance" have been tumbled, submission to the husband will no longer involve inward seething, but joy in the Lord.
So, let's look for a moment at the second part of this posting's title: when two halves do not make a whole. And for this purpose we must direct this once more to both husband and wife; not solely the wife.
Let's take the sign of the marriage covenant (the ring) and use it to look at the union of husband and wife and how "two shall become one."
I'm not sure if my analogy will work as well as I hope it will, but here goes:
If I were to draw a circle (representing a wedding ring) on a piece of paper and then draw a line vertically from top to bottom of the ring, I would then have a circle with a line dividing it perfectly into two halves that appear to be joined together. (I hope you can picture this.)
This is what happens in so many marriages today. Two halves attempt to join together to make a never-ending circle of unity or "oneness," but there remains a line of division between them. This division is a result of past hurts that both of them are fearful of experiencing again, or let-down expectations that were unrealistic to begin with, and thus, they each remain adamant (and insisting on control) concerning certain areas of the marriage relationship. The dividing walls can be a result of past marriages, if this is a second, third or fourth one, etc. Or the dividing walls can be a result of childhood hurts that have remained unresolved. Even in the case where this is a first marriage between two people with perfect childhoods, when our focus is on what WE expect the marriage to be versus what THE LORD desires it to be, dividing walls will arise.
How is one to wear a wedding ring such as this, with a dividing wall in the middle of it? It cannot be worn. It is impossible to slip onto the bride's finger; signifying not a union of two as one, but the impossibility of two becoming one when dividing walls are present from the very beginning of the marriage relationship.
Now let's look at another wedding ring. My daughter, who was recently married, first had an engagement ring given to her by her fiance, which was followed by a wedding ring on the day of the wedding ceremony. After the wedding, the two rings were welded together and became virtually one ring. This, then becomes a much better example of two wholes joining together and fitting very comfortably on the bride's finger, versus attempting to join together two halves into one round ring which cannot be worn at all. In this latter example, it required two "wholes" welded together in order to become "one" wearable ring. Do you begin to see where I am going with this, especially in light of today's broken families and homes that are more and more prevalent?
What I am trying to illustrate here (probably ineptly) is that when people join into the union of marriage as "half-people" rather than "whole people" there will always remain a wall of division until each half becomes whole. When they become whole, then the two "wholes" can be melded together and become one very easily. The problems begin in most marriages because of unhealed broken people; half people, instead of whole. And whether there are hurts or not, we are never completely whole until we allow Jesus Christ to be the LORD of our life.
Before I continue, remember that nothing is impossible with God (Matthew 19:26). Any two broken people, whom God has joined together, can become "whole" individually, and then "one" jointly, IF they surrender all the brokenness to Christ. After all, He is not only the Great Physician, but the very Creator of our "psyches." So, who better to turn to in order to become whole again?
Because iniquity has been abounding since the time of the cross of Jesus Christ (thus began the period we are currently in, known as "the last days"), more and more marriages today are second and third and fourth attempts and so on. I believe the ordinary struggles that are contained within ordinary "first" marriages are doubled and tripled and quadrupled in second, third and fourth attempts at marriage. And with good reason. The brokenness has not been dealt with properly in Christ, and in fact, has been compounded. A half person entering into a marriage, no matter how many times they enter into it, will still remain a half person until Christ is allowed to expose and heal every area in need of healing in their lives.
This requires some "alone" time, however. But, instead of allowing Christ the time to heal us, we jump from one failed union to another, in an effort to ease our pain and our discomfort at being alone. [I have said this often lately, and will continue to say it: we, especially in America, do not walk towards the pain, and thus find healing; instead, we avoid pain at all costs in endless cycles of destruction as we search in the wrong places for comfort! As long as we allow ourselves to be governed by what "feels good" instead of by spiritual disciplines of obedience to the Word, wherein lies pain, we will never find the relief we seek!]
And so the problem continues, until Christ is finally allowed to do His work in us; because we are finally willing to walk INTO the pain, to face the pain that MUST come about before we can be healed. Sometimes that happens in a second or a third marriage, but the work to be done is much more difficult when two are involved, than when just one person is working to become whole on their own and THEN joining themselves to another whole person. "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." (Matthew 6:34b) Normal life brings enough trouble into any marriage. No need for us to bring more turmoil into it with unhealed brokenness that requires us to blame the spouse for marital issues rather than looking to our own issues honestly. "Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?" Jesus would ask us. This ability to "deflect" by blaming others rather than face our own failings is common to both men and women equally. And as long as it continues, in either party, little real progress can be made.
Now back to the wife, specifically.
The Bible gives us an example of a "whole" woman and wife. It is found in Proverbs 31:10-31 where we find (depending on your Bible version) the "Virtuous Woman" or the "Wife of Noble Character."
I won't write the entire scripture here, but will look at various parts of it in this posting and the one to follow. In this passage, we find a "whole" woman; a woman who is organized, hard-working (never idle), wise, frugal and an encouragement to the needy as well as to all her family, especially to her husband, who, at first glance, appears to not be working nearly as hard as she is (in most Bible versions, he is busy "sitting" at the city gates. But this merely means that the location of his work, from which he derives the wages necessary to sustain his family, is found at the entrance to the city where he is an "elder of the land" (verse 23b) - a most respected community leader, most likely having a role in the governing of the city or some aspect of the community. For all we know, his job could run 14 hours a day! Scripture just does not give us as much info about his day as we get about her day; yet one can only imagine that no one had it "easy" back then! Not compared to us!)
What we do find especially endearing about this particular husband, is that he speaks words of praise about his wife at the city gates. Both he and their children are blessed by her and are given to voicing their praise of her on a daily basis (verse 28). I believe the fact that "her husband is respected at the city gate" (verse 23a) has as much to do with her as it does him; otherwise, that statement would not fit into context very well. After all, "her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." (verses 11-12)
What a woman! "Who can find a virtuous woman?" (Proverbs 5:10)
Indeed! She is an excellent example of a woman fully submitted to the Lord.
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate." (Proverbs 31:30-31)
[to be continued...]
"Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior, Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." (Ephesians 5:22-24)
The inward seething, however, is evidence that something is not right. At which point, the wife normally looks to the husband as the problem. Perhaps she is right, in that the husband is not submitting himself to Christ as we have discussed in the past two postings.
However, as with the husband, it behooves the wife also to look to herself first and foremost, looking for the areas in her own life in which she is not fully submitted to the Lord (excluding for one moment submission to her husband). For when she finds the areas of her life that she has not surrendered to the Lord, and when those "walls of resistance" have been tumbled, submission to the husband will no longer involve inward seething, but joy in the Lord.
So, let's look for a moment at the second part of this posting's title: when two halves do not make a whole. And for this purpose we must direct this once more to both husband and wife; not solely the wife.
Let's take the sign of the marriage covenant (the ring) and use it to look at the union of husband and wife and how "two shall become one."
I'm not sure if my analogy will work as well as I hope it will, but here goes:
If I were to draw a circle (representing a wedding ring) on a piece of paper and then draw a line vertically from top to bottom of the ring, I would then have a circle with a line dividing it perfectly into two halves that appear to be joined together. (I hope you can picture this.)
This is what happens in so many marriages today. Two halves attempt to join together to make a never-ending circle of unity or "oneness," but there remains a line of division between them. This division is a result of past hurts that both of them are fearful of experiencing again, or let-down expectations that were unrealistic to begin with, and thus, they each remain adamant (and insisting on control) concerning certain areas of the marriage relationship. The dividing walls can be a result of past marriages, if this is a second, third or fourth one, etc. Or the dividing walls can be a result of childhood hurts that have remained unresolved. Even in the case where this is a first marriage between two people with perfect childhoods, when our focus is on what WE expect the marriage to be versus what THE LORD desires it to be, dividing walls will arise.
How is one to wear a wedding ring such as this, with a dividing wall in the middle of it? It cannot be worn. It is impossible to slip onto the bride's finger; signifying not a union of two as one, but the impossibility of two becoming one when dividing walls are present from the very beginning of the marriage relationship.
Now let's look at another wedding ring. My daughter, who was recently married, first had an engagement ring given to her by her fiance, which was followed by a wedding ring on the day of the wedding ceremony. After the wedding, the two rings were welded together and became virtually one ring. This, then becomes a much better example of two wholes joining together and fitting very comfortably on the bride's finger, versus attempting to join together two halves into one round ring which cannot be worn at all. In this latter example, it required two "wholes" welded together in order to become "one" wearable ring. Do you begin to see where I am going with this, especially in light of today's broken families and homes that are more and more prevalent?
What I am trying to illustrate here (probably ineptly) is that when people join into the union of marriage as "half-people" rather than "whole people" there will always remain a wall of division until each half becomes whole. When they become whole, then the two "wholes" can be melded together and become one very easily. The problems begin in most marriages because of unhealed broken people; half people, instead of whole. And whether there are hurts or not, we are never completely whole until we allow Jesus Christ to be the LORD of our life.
Before I continue, remember that nothing is impossible with God (Matthew 19:26). Any two broken people, whom God has joined together, can become "whole" individually, and then "one" jointly, IF they surrender all the brokenness to Christ. After all, He is not only the Great Physician, but the very Creator of our "psyches." So, who better to turn to in order to become whole again?
Because iniquity has been abounding since the time of the cross of Jesus Christ (thus began the period we are currently in, known as "the last days"), more and more marriages today are second and third and fourth attempts and so on. I believe the ordinary struggles that are contained within ordinary "first" marriages are doubled and tripled and quadrupled in second, third and fourth attempts at marriage. And with good reason. The brokenness has not been dealt with properly in Christ, and in fact, has been compounded. A half person entering into a marriage, no matter how many times they enter into it, will still remain a half person until Christ is allowed to expose and heal every area in need of healing in their lives.
This requires some "alone" time, however. But, instead of allowing Christ the time to heal us, we jump from one failed union to another, in an effort to ease our pain and our discomfort at being alone. [I have said this often lately, and will continue to say it: we, especially in America, do not walk towards the pain, and thus find healing; instead, we avoid pain at all costs in endless cycles of destruction as we search in the wrong places for comfort! As long as we allow ourselves to be governed by what "feels good" instead of by spiritual disciplines of obedience to the Word, wherein lies pain, we will never find the relief we seek!]
And so the problem continues, until Christ is finally allowed to do His work in us; because we are finally willing to walk INTO the pain, to face the pain that MUST come about before we can be healed. Sometimes that happens in a second or a third marriage, but the work to be done is much more difficult when two are involved, than when just one person is working to become whole on their own and THEN joining themselves to another whole person. "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." (Matthew 6:34b) Normal life brings enough trouble into any marriage. No need for us to bring more turmoil into it with unhealed brokenness that requires us to blame the spouse for marital issues rather than looking to our own issues honestly. "Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?" Jesus would ask us. This ability to "deflect" by blaming others rather than face our own failings is common to both men and women equally. And as long as it continues, in either party, little real progress can be made.
Now back to the wife, specifically.
The Bible gives us an example of a "whole" woman and wife. It is found in Proverbs 31:10-31 where we find (depending on your Bible version) the "Virtuous Woman" or the "Wife of Noble Character."
I won't write the entire scripture here, but will look at various parts of it in this posting and the one to follow. In this passage, we find a "whole" woman; a woman who is organized, hard-working (never idle), wise, frugal and an encouragement to the needy as well as to all her family, especially to her husband, who, at first glance, appears to not be working nearly as hard as she is (in most Bible versions, he is busy "sitting" at the city gates. But this merely means that the location of his work, from which he derives the wages necessary to sustain his family, is found at the entrance to the city where he is an "elder of the land" (verse 23b) - a most respected community leader, most likely having a role in the governing of the city or some aspect of the community. For all we know, his job could run 14 hours a day! Scripture just does not give us as much info about his day as we get about her day; yet one can only imagine that no one had it "easy" back then! Not compared to us!)
What we do find especially endearing about this particular husband, is that he speaks words of praise about his wife at the city gates. Both he and their children are blessed by her and are given to voicing their praise of her on a daily basis (verse 28). I believe the fact that "her husband is respected at the city gate" (verse 23a) has as much to do with her as it does him; otherwise, that statement would not fit into context very well. After all, "her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." (verses 11-12)
What a woman! "Who can find a virtuous woman?" (Proverbs 5:10)
Indeed! She is an excellent example of a woman fully submitted to the Lord.
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate." (Proverbs 31:30-31)
[to be continued...]
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