The saying "a woman's work is never done" must have been referring to the woman in Proverbs 31. This "virtuous woman" or "woman of noble character" is something I would think most women would aspire to become. She has energy, confidence, freedom, intelligence, ministry, and let's not forget: a family that rises up to praise her each day. Her day begins before anyone else in the family is up and she is the last to go to bed. But she doesn't complain; for if she did, her husband and children would be feeling guilty instead of praising her. You might say she "suffered" in her willingness to do all that she could to provide and meet the spiritual and practical needs of her family and those around her.
And, for me, she exemplifies the feminine version of Dietrich Bonhoeffer's statement: “When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.” (Quote from "The Cost of Discipleship")
To me, this is the single most important thing any wife must be willing to do if her marriage is to succeed: die daily. (It is no different than the husband to whom Paul says must be willing to give up his very life for his wife as Christ did for the church.) The only difference is that she is dying daily for both her husband and her children (and normally a ministry of some sort if she is at all involved in a community of believers).
I have seen women who are so concerned about their own needs being met, their own rights being considered, that they become the proverbial "nag" filling their households with strife, as scripture describes:
"Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife." (Prov. 21:19)
"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." (Prov. 25:24)
"A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand." (Proverbs 27:15-16)
"Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife." (Prov. 17:1)
But back to the Proverbs 31 woman:
I don't for a moment believe that her life was any different than any of ours. I believe she had concerns, fears, worries, difficulties and troubles comparable to our own today. But I also believe that she was able, in the Lord, to step above all those difficulties and make her own way...not without a husband, but with a husband.
Often, we think the husband is the problem, when the problem is that we wives do not make our own way inside of the marriage. We believe that we can only make our own way if we are OUTSIDE or walk away from a marriage.
I have a real-life example to share:
I can tend to be so serious about life that it takes all the fun out of it. That can be hard for a husband to live with, even if it doesn't produce a nag, still it doesn't necessarily make me a joy to be around.
Yet, I have had extended moments of time (sadly not as consistently as I would like) when I am SO in the Lord, that I find myself diligent, productive, and joyful. Things get accomplished in spite of all the normal interruptions (often from my husband who is somewhat needy). Nothing changes in my circumstances to produce that; but something changes in me. I am walking in the Holy Spirit rather than in my own weak flesh! The same little barbs that my husband daily directs at me (as sometimes happens after many years of marriage), those things that hurt so deeply when I am walking in my flesh, seem to bounce right off of me, having no effect towards changing my humor at all when I am walking in the Spirit. It feels as though Jesus is my outer clothing and as though He took those barbs so that they would not affect me. And so, nothing halted me from doing all that I wanted to accomplish...no hurts, no sorrows, nothing to paralyze or distract me. After several days of this, the barbs from my husband would cease. He even became happier. And he commented on the change in me. And all it took was the HOLY SPIRIT of GOD allowed to live in me and through me.
I have seen this happen several times throughout the years. It is as though the Lord gives me glimpses of what an abundant life in Him really means, but then, I think, I allow it to be stolen away from me in a moment and it often takes me a while to get back to it. Yet, I KNOW what I have experienced in HIM! I know it is real. I know it is possible.
And so, I believe with all of my heart, that no matter who our husband is, or who our children are, we can be the Proverbs 31 wife...not because I am able, but because HE WHO DWELLS WITHIN ME IS ABLE.
The Proverbs 31 woman is me when I walk in the Lord. Is she you? Are we able to more consistently die to self and live to the Lord as she did? And if we did so on a daily basis, would something change in our households, in our marriages? One thing is sure: if we don't have the joy and peace within us at all times, that which only the Holy Spirit can provide, we surely won't find it in our marriages either.
And, for me, she exemplifies the feminine version of Dietrich Bonhoeffer's statement: “When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.” (Quote from "The Cost of Discipleship")
To me, this is the single most important thing any wife must be willing to do if her marriage is to succeed: die daily. (It is no different than the husband to whom Paul says must be willing to give up his very life for his wife as Christ did for the church.) The only difference is that she is dying daily for both her husband and her children (and normally a ministry of some sort if she is at all involved in a community of believers).
I have seen women who are so concerned about their own needs being met, their own rights being considered, that they become the proverbial "nag" filling their households with strife, as scripture describes:
"Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife." (Prov. 21:19)
"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." (Prov. 25:24)
"A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand." (Proverbs 27:15-16)
"Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife." (Prov. 17:1)
But back to the Proverbs 31 woman:
I don't for a moment believe that her life was any different than any of ours. I believe she had concerns, fears, worries, difficulties and troubles comparable to our own today. But I also believe that she was able, in the Lord, to step above all those difficulties and make her own way...not without a husband, but with a husband.
Often, we think the husband is the problem, when the problem is that we wives do not make our own way inside of the marriage. We believe that we can only make our own way if we are OUTSIDE or walk away from a marriage.
I have a real-life example to share:
I can tend to be so serious about life that it takes all the fun out of it. That can be hard for a husband to live with, even if it doesn't produce a nag, still it doesn't necessarily make me a joy to be around.
Yet, I have had extended moments of time (sadly not as consistently as I would like) when I am SO in the Lord, that I find myself diligent, productive, and joyful. Things get accomplished in spite of all the normal interruptions (often from my husband who is somewhat needy). Nothing changes in my circumstances to produce that; but something changes in me. I am walking in the Holy Spirit rather than in my own weak flesh! The same little barbs that my husband daily directs at me (as sometimes happens after many years of marriage), those things that hurt so deeply when I am walking in my flesh, seem to bounce right off of me, having no effect towards changing my humor at all when I am walking in the Spirit. It feels as though Jesus is my outer clothing and as though He took those barbs so that they would not affect me. And so, nothing halted me from doing all that I wanted to accomplish...no hurts, no sorrows, nothing to paralyze or distract me. After several days of this, the barbs from my husband would cease. He even became happier. And he commented on the change in me. And all it took was the HOLY SPIRIT of GOD allowed to live in me and through me.
I have seen this happen several times throughout the years. It is as though the Lord gives me glimpses of what an abundant life in Him really means, but then, I think, I allow it to be stolen away from me in a moment and it often takes me a while to get back to it. Yet, I KNOW what I have experienced in HIM! I know it is real. I know it is possible.
And so, I believe with all of my heart, that no matter who our husband is, or who our children are, we can be the Proverbs 31 wife...not because I am able, but because HE WHO DWELLS WITHIN ME IS ABLE.
The Proverbs 31 woman is me when I walk in the Lord. Is she you? Are we able to more consistently die to self and live to the Lord as she did? And if we did so on a daily basis, would something change in our households, in our marriages? One thing is sure: if we don't have the joy and peace within us at all times, that which only the Holy Spirit can provide, we surely won't find it in our marriages either.
1 comment:
This series of postings is like cleaning a room. We must first pickup the room and putting each item in its proper place. Clean the cobwebs out of the corners and bring out the disinfectant so that everything is clean. With each posting, it requires each of us to hold a mirror in front of us and exam the areas of our lives that require work. It is amazing how you can read the Bible and it is full of all the examples of living a good life. GW
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