Ok, now we begin the toughest part of this study; the part that requires wisdom, discernment, and help from many sources and voices, rather than from just one person: "Where no counsel is the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors there is safety." (Proverbs 11:14)
In the areas of when and whom to marry, when to separate and for what reasons, when and why to divorce, and if and when to remarry, no one is wise who relies on only their own opinion (or even that of an additonal person or two) concerning what God's Word declares in these matters. Rather, wisdom requires hearing from a multitude of believers who are able to utilize all the gifts of the Spirit in forming a consensus that can then be determined to be from the Lord Himself, thus keeping us safe from falling (into sin.)
We have already discussed that the church therefore is the entity that must be given the opportunity to consider and decide on behalf of its members when it comes to giving Godly counsel that is confirmed by the Word of God. Hopefully, the church to whom spouses having marital differences would appeal is large enough to have more than one or even two "designated" elders, for two does not warrant a "multitude" and safety is found only in a "multitude" of counselors. And for good reason, as our all-too-human bias is less likely to flavor decisions of authority when there is a "multitude" involved.
So what can a small church do when they have but one or two elders to handle such cases? I believe they might call in other members of the body in whom wisdom resides; perhaps those who are known to be obedient to the Word and very knowledgeable in the Word, and who have had successful marriages. But if there is only one such couple available, again the multitude is lacking. It is never wise to rely on counsel from one source, or in this case, one couple, no matter how successful their marriage.
Perhaps the church might also include in the governing body (concerning marital issues only) teachers who are knowledgeable in the Word and can be sure to point out most of the relevant scriptures relating to the issues at hand.
Often, those who have suffered through divorce or separation or unequally-yoked marriages, can offer wisdom that has be gained through their own first-hand difficult experiences, but in those cases, as sin is often a part of wrong choices having been made, strong discernment is vital in choosing someone like this to be added to the "multitude" of counselors. For example, have these folks shown current dedication and commitment to obedience and submission to the Lord in other areas of their life? Or could unresolved sin issues that once drew them into bad marriages still be lurking in the background? This is a difficult thing to determine, as it applies to even my own situation, but the truth is still the truth and that is that potentially anyone who has suffered through divorce, once, twice or even more times than that, could very much have unresolved sin that will not necessarily show up outside of the most intimate of relationships; in other words, only their current spouses, if there is one, would know. Often, the gift of discernment, again from the "multitude" rather than just one or two folks, is required to choose the proper counsellors to be included in the "multitude." Sadly, in our ever-increasingly sinful society, where divorce is so prominent, such counsellors might be hard to come by.
Regardless of what is finally done, what must be done is a designation of such a "multitude" long before marital issues are ever presented to the church leadership for counsel and advice. Haste in gathering such a group together would not be advisable. It is something small churches, in my opinion, should consider even as they have, hopefully, considered what their benevolence guidelines are long before they are ever approached by individuals seeking aid. Wise leadership should result in wise planning concerning all potential needs.
Only in the gathering of such a wise multitude, would I myself feel confident that I am being guided into the path of righteousness versus "church tradition" which can be uncompassionate and legalistic at best. I am convinced that being encouraged to be obedient to the commandments of God, when done with compassion and love by caring church-family members, do not leave us feeling abused, trapped and hopeless, but strengthened, hopeful and cherished by both God and His church.
Contrarily, if members have no confidence in church leadership it could very well be that there is legalism involved which is an enforcement of the "letter" of the law, without the grace of the "Spirit" of the law being shown. Such grace would involve deeply "hearing" the cries for help of one spouse or the other, and not responding hastily with trite "church-isms" that only wound those who are already wounded.
When we truly listen and we truly care for even those who seem to be unlovable at times, and when we respond with love and compassion rather than "law" alone, we will see the "fruit" of our efforts born out in the marriages of those who sought our counsel.
As we get further along into the particulars of separation, divorce and remarriage, remember, in my opinion which I believe is based on the word of God (and not from only this one proverb above, but also seen in the example of the disciples and Paul in all issues that they were called on to rule upon) that all such decisions can only be made through this Godly "multitude."
I do not advocate one party advising another when it comes to something as deeply spiritual and eternal as the marriage covenant which has God Himself as eternal witness. I myself would not want to bear such responsibility alone. I would want to be surrounded by the "safety" of the multitude through whom a Godly consensus can be trusted with great confidence.
In the areas of when and whom to marry, when to separate and for what reasons, when and why to divorce, and if and when to remarry, no one is wise who relies on only their own opinion (or even that of an additonal person or two) concerning what God's Word declares in these matters. Rather, wisdom requires hearing from a multitude of believers who are able to utilize all the gifts of the Spirit in forming a consensus that can then be determined to be from the Lord Himself, thus keeping us safe from falling (into sin.)
We have already discussed that the church therefore is the entity that must be given the opportunity to consider and decide on behalf of its members when it comes to giving Godly counsel that is confirmed by the Word of God. Hopefully, the church to whom spouses having marital differences would appeal is large enough to have more than one or even two "designated" elders, for two does not warrant a "multitude" and safety is found only in a "multitude" of counselors. And for good reason, as our all-too-human bias is less likely to flavor decisions of authority when there is a "multitude" involved.
So what can a small church do when they have but one or two elders to handle such cases? I believe they might call in other members of the body in whom wisdom resides; perhaps those who are known to be obedient to the Word and very knowledgeable in the Word, and who have had successful marriages. But if there is only one such couple available, again the multitude is lacking. It is never wise to rely on counsel from one source, or in this case, one couple, no matter how successful their marriage.
Perhaps the church might also include in the governing body (concerning marital issues only) teachers who are knowledgeable in the Word and can be sure to point out most of the relevant scriptures relating to the issues at hand.
Often, those who have suffered through divorce or separation or unequally-yoked marriages, can offer wisdom that has be gained through their own first-hand difficult experiences, but in those cases, as sin is often a part of wrong choices having been made, strong discernment is vital in choosing someone like this to be added to the "multitude" of counselors. For example, have these folks shown current dedication and commitment to obedience and submission to the Lord in other areas of their life? Or could unresolved sin issues that once drew them into bad marriages still be lurking in the background? This is a difficult thing to determine, as it applies to even my own situation, but the truth is still the truth and that is that potentially anyone who has suffered through divorce, once, twice or even more times than that, could very much have unresolved sin that will not necessarily show up outside of the most intimate of relationships; in other words, only their current spouses, if there is one, would know. Often, the gift of discernment, again from the "multitude" rather than just one or two folks, is required to choose the proper counsellors to be included in the "multitude." Sadly, in our ever-increasingly sinful society, where divorce is so prominent, such counsellors might be hard to come by.
Regardless of what is finally done, what must be done is a designation of such a "multitude" long before marital issues are ever presented to the church leadership for counsel and advice. Haste in gathering such a group together would not be advisable. It is something small churches, in my opinion, should consider even as they have, hopefully, considered what their benevolence guidelines are long before they are ever approached by individuals seeking aid. Wise leadership should result in wise planning concerning all potential needs.
Only in the gathering of such a wise multitude, would I myself feel confident that I am being guided into the path of righteousness versus "church tradition" which can be uncompassionate and legalistic at best. I am convinced that being encouraged to be obedient to the commandments of God, when done with compassion and love by caring church-family members, do not leave us feeling abused, trapped and hopeless, but strengthened, hopeful and cherished by both God and His church.
Contrarily, if members have no confidence in church leadership it could very well be that there is legalism involved which is an enforcement of the "letter" of the law, without the grace of the "Spirit" of the law being shown. Such grace would involve deeply "hearing" the cries for help of one spouse or the other, and not responding hastily with trite "church-isms" that only wound those who are already wounded.
When we truly listen and we truly care for even those who seem to be unlovable at times, and when we respond with love and compassion rather than "law" alone, we will see the "fruit" of our efforts born out in the marriages of those who sought our counsel.
As we get further along into the particulars of separation, divorce and remarriage, remember, in my opinion which I believe is based on the word of God (and not from only this one proverb above, but also seen in the example of the disciples and Paul in all issues that they were called on to rule upon) that all such decisions can only be made through this Godly "multitude."
I do not advocate one party advising another when it comes to something as deeply spiritual and eternal as the marriage covenant which has God Himself as eternal witness. I myself would not want to bear such responsibility alone. I would want to be surrounded by the "safety" of the multitude through whom a Godly consensus can be trusted with great confidence.
1 comment:
I know in my heart that this is truth
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